Monday, 3 July 2017

Off day

No, not off the diet.....I'm just feeling very down about everything today. 

Getting dressed this morning I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror - and just for a split second thought 'God look at that fat old woman'.  I almost cried when the realisation hit that it was me.  I'm just having an off day I guess, feeling fat, frumpy and definitely my age (I've been 39 for years but can't get away with that anymore!).  

It doesn't help that my Achilles tendon is killing me again - I had thought it was getting better....well, it was, but I've done a lot more walking over the past week, some in the field, and perhaps it's too much too soon.  And of course limping more is making my back ache like mad again, and I've been getting muscle spasms as well.  I tried going on the exercise bike this morning (haven't been on it for months and months, as evidenced by all the dust on it!) but had to get back off almost straight away, pedalling was just so painful on my tendon.

I'm not coming off the diet, we're both still determined to carry on, and I know I have started losing some pounds.  And losing weight, even 10% of my body weight, will help a lot with my aches and pains, I know that.  It's just that I've got such a lot to lose (at least 4 stones) and I hate knowing it's going to take such a long time.

We've got to go out tonight (a parish council meeting that's quite important for our hamlet) and I'm not looking forward to it, as I know most of our hamlet will be there and I don't really feel like socialising.  Especially since I'm probably the fattest one and just feel so self conscious at the mo.  I know it's ridiculous, all our neighbours are lovely....



9 comments:

  1. Oh Sooze....I feel so sad for you.

    Next time you catch sight of yourself in the mirror why don't you take a good long look and instead of putting yourself down make a point of finding something you feel good about even if it's the fact that you have nice hair or beautiful eyes and nothing to do with your weight.

    I really wish I could come and give you a great big hug-x-

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  2. Hang in there we all have days like that, I have rather a lot myself lately.

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  3. You always feel low when your aches and pains are about. I hope you are feeling better soon. As for 39, I know what you mean, when I catch sight of myself in a mirror or see a photo of myself, my first thoughts are I can't be that old. BUT remember whilst our mum's were old at our age, we are still young, it's just our joints which let us down.

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  4. Oh dear, I know how you feel We were off to a friends and I was trying to find some thing in my wardrobe that didn't make me look fat.. ha ha! I ended up with a bed covered with clothes that were too tight or not right, so ended up wearing a top and skirt that I always wore! I failed miserably last week and put on, but back on track today, well it is Monday, the usual day people start a diet. Well done on losing so far, you've already done it so you can carry on doing it.. yes you can!!

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  5. Sooze, you are looking at yourself the wrong way, dear girl. When you look in the mirror instead of asking yourself "who is that fat old woman" (for I could do the same, believe me!) you should say - and I paraphrase as I don't have the actual quote to hand - what the Nanny says to her little charge in the book (and film) The Help: "You's beautiful, you's clever, you's special!" And believe it!
    I know being older isn't easy. I have persistent pain caused by arthritis and I know pain isn't easy to manage. But - and I know this is simplistic - we are privileged to get old, so many have their lives cut short. A cousin recently told me that her son recently the funeral of a friend, aged 42, a life cut short by ill health when in his prime. So look at yourself and say, "I am beautiful, I am clever, I am special!" And believe it!
    Also every small bit of weight lost (I tell myself this, not that much comes off!) is less weight on those joints and will make life less painful. Don't give up, girl. I find it hard, too, because pain prevents proper exercise bar a gentle stroll. But you can do it.
    Margaret P

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  6. I agree with Galant. Look at yourself and say I am pretty, I am beautiful

    Julie xxxxxx

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  7. Just keep on going with the 5:2 - make it your new way of living. Every pound and ounce that you lose should lessen those aches and your self esteem will rocket. And one last thing - don't give a flying rat's behind what other people may say about your weight.Just imagine yourself walking into a social occasion 4 stone lighter and looking FABULOUS!

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  8. Keep on with what you're doing, and don't beat yourself up if you don't do every possible thing to lose weight every day. As someone who's been overweight since the age of 5, and spent the next 20 years on and off diets, losing half my body weight then putting it back on again, I know it's the war, not a single battle you need to worry about and that you can only keep going on intensive diets for so long. After giving up on diets for another 25 years I've finally found a gradual diet that works for me every day (including the days that include fish and chips or an ice cream!), and am on the way to losing what I need over the next 2 years - yes, 2 years! What's really made a difference is investing in gym membership and doing pilates. 2-3 times a week has gotten rid of all the aches and pains and, more importantly, allowed me to take on more vigorous exercise and get in the pool regularly. For 20 years I thought everyone would laugh if I went to a gym and that I wouldn't be able to do most of the exercises, but once I got there I realised most people there were in the same boat as me and I wish I'd gone all those years ago instead of letting my preconceptions put me off. And guess what, I can do all the exercises. Maybe only for a few seconds, maybe only for a minute, but the more I do the more I can do. So dig out your cossie and get swimming. A friend did this for me by dragging me along to the gym the first time, and I wish I could do the same for you as I know just what you're going through.

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  9. Next time you are near the mirror, stop and look yourself straight in the eyes and say something along the lines of:- yup,you are fat NOW, but you are getting there.You have made a good start, you can do it, you know you can. Take each day as it comes and get the most out of each and every one. That's just about what I tell myself.

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Thank you for your comments, I love reading them!