Getting dressed this morning I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror - and just for a split second thought 'God look at that fat old woman'. I almost cried when the realisation hit that it was me. I'm just having an off day I guess, feeling fat, frumpy and definitely my age (I've been 39 for years but can't get away with that anymore!).
It doesn't help that my Achilles tendon is killing me again - I had thought it was getting better....well, it was, but I've done a lot more walking over the past week, some in the field, and perhaps it's too much too soon. And of course limping more is making my back ache like mad again, and I've been getting muscle spasms as well. I tried going on the exercise bike this morning (haven't been on it for months and months, as evidenced by all the dust on it!) but had to get back off almost straight away, pedalling was just so painful on my tendon.
I'm not coming off the diet, we're both still determined to carry on, and I know I have started losing some pounds. And losing weight, even 10% of my body weight, will help a lot with my aches and pains, I know that. It's just that I've got such a lot to lose (at least 4 stones) and I hate knowing it's going to take such a long time.
We've got to go out tonight (a parish council meeting that's quite important for our hamlet) and I'm not looking forward to it, as I know most of our hamlet will be there and I don't really feel like socialising. Especially since I'm probably the fattest one and just feel so self conscious at the mo. I know it's ridiculous, all our neighbours are lovely....