Thursday, 22 June 2017

A big weight problem (pun intended)

This will be a hard post for me to write, as I am very self conscious about my weight - I pretend I'm not, that I couldn't care less about what people think of me and just brush it off, but that couldn't be further from the truth actually.  I do care and get very embarrassed and upset, although I hide it, when I know people are looking at me and thinking 'look at the size of her!'. 

I've had a weight problem most of my life.  I wasn't a fat child - photos of me taken when I was about 5 or 6 show that I was actually quite skinny.  However, around the age of 8 or 9 I put on weight and got quite chubby, it was known as puppy fat back then and people (including our GP) were always saying to mum, in front of me, 'oh it's just puppy fat, she'll lose it when she gets older'.  I think that's when I started to become self conscious, especially as I started developing boobs at about 10 or 11 and classmates commented and laughed (I was the first girl in my class to have a bra aged 12 and can remember being hugely embarrassed when my mum first bought it for me).

Between the ages of 12 to about 16 I did lose a fair bit of weight, becoming almost skinny again - partly I guess because I was getting taller, but mostly because there was a lot of traumatic stuff going on in my life then.  However, once I was in the Sixth Form at school and we could wear our own clothes, life was less structured, I got a part time job and started going out more with friends, I again began to put on weight.  Trips to the pub and takeaways with friends, earning a bit of money and being able to buy chocolate and crisps for lunch at school resulted in me gaining 2 or 3 stone.  And then when I was 19, a friend of my mum's said to me 'You're too young and too pretty to be so fat!' (it was at a party and she'd had a lot to drink).

So I started going to SW diet classes - with that friend of my mum's!  I stuck to it quite rigidly, losing 2 stone in about 3 months and getting down to a size 14.  At that point my then boyfriend told me he didn't want me losing any more weight as I was getting too skinny!  So I stopped going, even though I'd intended to carry on until I was a size 12....well, we all want to please our boyfriends when we're young, don't we?!  Ironically, we split up shortly after that when I met the man who I would go on to marry.  Although I was no longer dieting, I maintained the same weight for 3 or 4 years - a very hectic work and social life, plus upping sticks and moving from London to the Midlands with my future husband saw to that.

Well, then we got married, lived in a rented house for a year and then bought our first home together.  I was working full time with quite a long journey by public transport to/from work, eating toast for breakfasts, sandwiches and crisps for lunches, garlic bread with a pasta dish or pizza as a quick to make meal when we got home, or a takeaway when we didn't feel like cooking.  Lots of meals out with friends (there were a couple of those 'all you can eat' buffet style Chinese/Indian places nearby) and pub outings meant my weight began creeping....well, more like galloping.....back up again. 

And so fast forward many years until now.  3 or 4 years ago I was the heaviest I'd ever been and was diagnosed with T2 diabetes, which was a shock.  Since then I've lost about a stone.  Getting a dog just before Xmas last year and starting to go for twice daily walks meant I lost another half a stone, without dieting.  However, 6 weeks ago I sprained my Achilles tendon and could hardly walk around the house as I was in so much pain, and the limping had a knock on effect and gave me terrible backache too, so walking Betty was out of the question....thank goodness for husband who's been walking her by himself.  Yesterday I weighed myself - I'd been putting it off, dreading it, feeling sure I'd have put weight back on, but was pleasantly surprised to find I'm actually a couple of pounds less than I was before spraining the tendon.  I reckon it's because of doing a fair bit of walking last week when we were away in Cornwall and, although I've been resting quite a lot since we got back as a result of awful back pain, eating a lot less because of the heat this week. 

The overpowering heat of the past few days has meant I've felt terrible - sweaty, uncomfortable and headachy, I feel like I have nothing suitable to wear - well, nothing I'd be happy to wear in public.  And that's been the worst thing for me this week - we've had to go out a few times and I've had to wear things that cover me up....partly because last week I got sunburnt a few times (I'm fair skinned and burn easily), but also because frankly I'm too embarrassed to have large chunks of my flesh on display.  So there I am, covered up, sweltering and sweaty, feeling like I'm melting, whilst all around me are much slimmer women looking effortlessly cool in shorts and little vest tops. 

I've had enough of this, I can't go on like it anymore, I've got to lose weight so I can start feeling better about myself - and obviously improve my health!


13 comments:

  1. It is difficult trying to lose weight isn't it, I get fed up as well, as I have put on more than I would have liked to in the last few years, due to taking Tamoxifen for the cancer treatment and the damn menopause, my husband gave me a good talking to last week as he knows it has been getting me down, and I can't do as much exercise now as I still have a bad back and have joint problems, I do hope we can both find a solution x

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  2. The health issue should help to keep you focused. I was once told not to worry about my weight but to concentrate on my size. I drew a body shape and wrote in all my measurements, including upper arm and thigh then I trawled the charity shops till I found a dress that was just that little too tight. Every Sunday i put that dress on and had a good look at myself in a full length mirror. It kept me on the straight and narrow. Now the time has come for me to do it all again. I think that I will write it into tomorrows post. Chin up my lovely, you will get there. xx

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  3. I empathise with your story. I seemed to gain a lot of weight in my 30's - working full time with a family and lots of convenience foods. Luckily I don't drink so that never contributed. Like you I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2011 at age 47. Since then I've lost a few stones but am still not in my recommended range (surely at 5ft 6 I would look unhealthy at 8st??), btw I'm nowhere near 8st!!. For the last few months Ive had trochanteric bursitis on the left side and plantar fasciitis on the right - both very painful. This has made me cut back on my walking ( the one exercise I love). I wear Fit-Flops around the house - meant to give your legs a workout - but I cursed yesterday when I lost my balance on the left foot ( wedges) and sprained my ankle! Clumsy or what!! Im back on the BSD 800 again as when I did this last year my HBA1C fell to normal levels, as did my other blood tests and as a bonus I lost 2st. I can recommend this to fellow diabetics - 800 cals for 8 weeks - hard but worth it. Good luck - I think all us ladies have weight issues of some sort.

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  4. There is a lot of grit and determination in your post today and I am sure that will go a long way to helping you get to where you want to be.Also you will have your blog friends cheering you on from the sidelines.....GO SOOZE!!!

    If it helps I was diagnosed with T2 diabetes and a heart problem in 2010 and with the same grit and determination I managed to lose seven stones. It didn't turn my diabetes round but it sure made life a lot easier until I developed problems with my legs. I have managed to maintain that weight loss but now struggle with getting in much in the way of exercise although I do try.

    Good luck.
    Hugs-x-

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  5. Swimming is good non weight bearing exercise. Cutting down on calories certainly helps. I have never counted calories but did so to lose weight, eating 1000 calories a day for 2 weeks, then 1200 calories a day for 3 months. Far less than the body needs to work but I lost 12lb and so far, touch wood, it is still off. The first month was so difficult but hubby came on it with me (he lost just over a stone) and we both feel much better for it.

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  6. Your story reflects so many woman's lives, we hid our fat and pain, we laugh at idiots and their hurtful comments. You post is very brave, I too am walking for heath reasons, having a dog to walk helps get you out and keeps you walking. I wish you loads of strength and hope you are able to get to a weight/size you can be happy with.

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  7. I can sympathise with you, having been overweight for over 20 years. I had the push to loose a few pounds when my brother announced he was getting married, managed to loose 1 1/2 stones before the big day with Slimming World. I continued to go and in 2 years have lost 7 1/2 stones (even though I take thyroxine and steroids). Can't tell you the difference it has made to my life. Good luck, but whatever you do it must be for yourself, not anyone else.

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  8. Such a horrible feeling and one I know only too well. It's hard work to lose weight especially when you have physical obstacles too xx

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  9. Snooze your posting brought tears to me eyes for it is so sad that you have problems with your weight. My daughter suffers to and found SW helped a lot. This may sound a but cruel but i watch my weight (not buying nice biscuits and chocolate they are my downfall) by focusing on a celebrity who is big and vowing not to get like her but those ladies always have a great sense of humor which is great. Remember snooze your husband loves you and you always seem to have a good sense of humor. Some us I meant to be a bit bigger than others. I lost 2 stone recently thru having major surgery but it is gradually creeping back fortunately I can now get out and walk a bit so that will help, swimming is good also once you get over the thought of yourself in a costume. I wish I lived nearer so we could work on it together. Good luck and enjoy whatever you do please don't let it get you down we are not all meant to be the same size.

    Hazel c uk

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  10. A very honest post Sooze, you have expressed how many of us feel sometimes. I'm about 10 lbs over what I am comfortable with (and, no, I don't want to be thin, just comfortable within myself) and I'm finding it a struggle to lose weight at the same time as watching the food budget. I need to eat smaller portions and not snack between meals! You have spurred me on to try harder! Good luck with your own target :) xx

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  11. I can so relate to what you are saying, you are not alone, thanks for your honest post, its really made me think about my own health and body shape. Don't beat yourself up too much, focus on your good qualities whilst finding the best way for you to lose weight, everyone is different, be strong, sending hugs across to you. x

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  12. D'you know, I have never even thought of you as over-weight since your personality is so sweet and lovely. In my eyes you are my sweet Sue. And it has been too long since I last saw you, I must put that right soon. Hugs! xx

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  13. Oh my word, this post rings alarm bells with me, having received the same shock news about having T2 Diabetes. I never had an inkling; no warning signs, nothing. But I really didn't want more medication, so I Googled everything I could find and decided to see if I could change things by diet alone. It looks as though my journey will be along the same lines as yours . . .

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Thank you for your comments, I love reading them!