I've had a weight problem most of my life. I wasn't a fat child - photos of me taken when I was about 5 or 6 show that I was actually quite skinny. However, around the age of 8 or 9 I put on weight and got quite chubby, it was known as puppy fat back then and people (including our GP) were always saying to mum, in front of me, 'oh it's just puppy fat, she'll lose it when she gets older'. I think that's when I started to become self conscious, especially as I started developing boobs at about 10 or 11 and classmates commented and laughed (I was the first girl in my class to have a bra aged 12 and can remember being hugely embarrassed when my mum first bought it for me).
Between the ages of 12 to about 16 I did lose a fair bit of weight, becoming almost skinny again - partly I guess because I was getting taller, but mostly because there was a lot of traumatic stuff going on in my life then. However, once I was in the Sixth Form at school and we could wear our own clothes, life was less structured, I got a part time job and started going out more with friends, I again began to put on weight. Trips to the pub and takeaways with friends, earning a bit of money and being able to buy chocolate and crisps for lunch at school resulted in me gaining 2 or 3 stone. And then when I was 19, a friend of my mum's said to me 'You're too young and too pretty to be so fat!' (it was at a party and she'd had a lot to drink).
So I started going to SW diet classes - with that friend of my mum's! I stuck to it quite rigidly, losing 2 stone in about 3 months and getting down to a size 14. At that point my then boyfriend told me he didn't want me losing any more weight as I was getting too skinny! So I stopped going, even though I'd intended to carry on until I was a size 12....well, we all want to please our boyfriends when we're young, don't we?! Ironically, we split up shortly after that when I met the man who I would go on to marry. Although I was no longer dieting, I maintained the same weight for 3 or 4 years - a very hectic work and social life, plus upping sticks and moving from London to the Midlands with my future husband saw to that.
Well, then we got married, lived in a rented house for a year and then bought our first home together. I was working full time with quite a long journey by public transport to/from work, eating toast for breakfasts, sandwiches and crisps for lunches, garlic bread with a pasta dish or pizza as a quick to make meal when we got home, or a takeaway when we didn't feel like cooking. Lots of meals out with friends (there were a couple of those 'all you can eat' buffet style Chinese/Indian places nearby) and pub outings meant my weight began creeping....well, more like galloping.....back up again.
And so fast forward many years until now. 3 or 4 years ago I was the heaviest I'd ever been and was diagnosed with T2 diabetes, which was a shock. Since then I've lost about a stone. Getting a dog just before Xmas last year and starting to go for twice daily walks meant I lost another half a stone, without dieting. However, 6 weeks ago I sprained my Achilles tendon and could hardly walk around the house as I was in so much pain, and the limping had a knock on effect and gave me terrible backache too, so walking Betty was out of the question....thank goodness for husband who's been walking her by himself. Yesterday I weighed myself - I'd been putting it off, dreading it, feeling sure I'd have put weight back on, but was pleasantly surprised to find I'm actually a couple of pounds less than I was before spraining the tendon. I reckon it's because of doing a fair bit of walking last week when we were away in Cornwall and, although I've been resting quite a lot since we got back as a result of awful back pain, eating a lot less because of the heat this week.
The overpowering heat of the past few days has meant I've felt terrible - sweaty, uncomfortable and headachy, I feel like I have nothing suitable to wear - well, nothing I'd be happy to wear in public. And that's been the worst thing for me this week - we've had to go out a few times and I've had to wear things that cover me up....partly because last week I got sunburnt a few times (I'm fair skinned and burn easily), but also because frankly I'm too embarrassed to have large chunks of my flesh on display. So there I am, covered up, sweltering and sweaty, feeling like I'm melting, whilst all around me are much slimmer women looking effortlessly cool in shorts and little vest tops.
I've had enough of this, I can't go on like it anymore, I've got to lose weight so I can start feeling better about myself - and obviously improve my health!