However, things have been getting on top of me over the past few weeks and I can feel myself being dragged down again. Since I've been going through the menopause, I really don't cope with stress or problems very successfully anymore - things that I wouldn't bat an eyelid over in the past and could just shrug off now seem to knock me for 6. When problems arose a few years ago, I'd just get right on with sorting them.
Husband's future reduced work arrangements (or rather, the lack of) have been dragging on for so long now - ok, they are close to being settled now, hopefully next week when his boss is back from holiday, but the stress of not knowing what he was going to be doing and his work's total inefficiency in getting their fingers out and sorting it out have just infuriated us both. He put the written request in, on his work's advice, last October for Christ's sake! We just feel like we're in total limbo until it's all done and dusted and the final details ironed out. What was the point of them telling him he needed to make the formal request as early as possible, i.e. 6 months before he wanted to start his reduced hours, if they then don't get it all arranged until just THREE BLOODY WEEKS before he's due to start?
And then there's my close relative's possible cancer diagnosis, which still hasn't yet been formally diagnosed or even properly investigated, due to a catalogue of problems put up by the hospital. Again, it was last October when she first went to her GP with her very particular concern. I'm not going into all the details as it's not my story to tell....suffice it to say that if it was me, I'd have put a rocket up their arses weeks ago. I so want to be there with her, but a) she lives a long way away, and b) she doesn't want me accompanying her to hospital, for a couple of reasons. I do respect and understand her wishes - it's her illness, not mine. But I'm really concerned and it feels like she's denying me the right or the opportunity to help her (except for one thing she's asked me to do which I'm not terribly keen on doing, and that in itself gives me a guilty conscience), and that's making it harder for me to cope with it. And I feel bad and selfish for feeling that way.
I'm also having a lot of problems with a very good friend of mine....we've known each other well for 8 or 9 years, we have always got on so well, but despite that we do tend to butt heads occasionally, we are both equally stubborn. It's got to the stage where we just can't seem to get on for more than a couple of days without falling out, I feel like it's all coming to an end and that saddens me so much, we've gone through a lot together.
All this has meant that my insomnia, which I've suffered with my entire life, is just out of control right now, I'm lucky if I get 4 hours sleep in total a night. Consequently, I'm shattered, completely knackered, which is clouding my judgement, giving me brain fog and making me extremely ratty (which my long-suffering husband is getting the brunt of, which he really doesn't deserve).
I REALLY don't want to go back to the doctor, I REALLY don't want to be back on antidepressants, nor do I want sleeping pills. I know things will settle down eventually, it's just a case of holding out for a little while longer, and accepting that I have to do something which I've never liked doing - taking a nap during the afternoon when I get really tired.
I think husband and I need to take time out and have a couple of days out, choosing to do something we both really like doing, like sightseeing, browsing round lovely little craft or artisan or second hand shops, and having a couple of nice meals out, and leaving all the problems at home for a few hours.